Cleverbot
by Riluo Beijing Kirkland-Wang
Summary: Me and a couple of friends decide to test out Cleverbot. Here is the results... Review with who you want me to convince to do Cleverbot! (Warning: There is probably going to be a lot of swearing.)
1. The First Cleverbot Victim

Wassup? My name is Ríluó Joy Kirkland-Wang! I've read a, uh, "story", and it's down right freaking hilarious! I was laughing my arse off! But then my Māmā China took my computer away. :( But he didn't take away my phone. *evil grin* It was the Hetalia countries were trying out Cleverbot. It's written by power-of-the-elements. My favorites were probably drunk England (though that's actually a pretty sober England, I've seen way worse) and Canada. But their adventures with Cleverbot inspired me to try it my self. Here's the result! (Cb means Cleverbot, I'm lazy when typing :P)  
me: Ni hao! (Chinese- hello!)  
Cb: Ni hao!  
me: Ó, nǐ shuō zhōngguó huà ma? (Oh, you speak Chinese too)  
Cb: Shide. (Morality)  
me: what about morality?  
Cb: What?  
me: You said morality.  
Cb: No I didn't, you said coffee.  
me: I prefer tea over coffee.  
Cb: I don't like tea or coffee.  
me: Oh.  
Cb: What about you?  
me: I love Chinese and British tea! I only have coffee as a rare treat.  
Cb: What about Tom Hanks?  
me: ...Who?  
Cb: Raam.  
me: What? Is that Norwegian? I think I've heard Greenland say that before.  
Cb: What is better? 9800GT or HD4750?  
me: I don't know.  
Cb: What don't you know?  
me: Which is better.  
Cb: Usually the book. What about you?  
me: The book, I guess. Though the movies for the Chronicles of Narnia are awesome.  
Cb: I did not know this.  
me: Of course not. -n-  
Cb: How can you be so sure?  
me: Well, you said so yourself.  
Cb: I am not.  
me: You are not what?  
Cb: I'm not a robot. And I never said that I'm not human.  
me: I never said you were a robot. And I didn't say you weren't human either.  
Cb: You said I am not.  
me: Um, okay... Do you know who Pewdiepie is?  
Cb: Of course not! **(A/n: *le gasp* How can you not know who Pewdiepie is!)**  
me: Oh.. Pewdiepie is my hero.  
Cb: I don't know.  
me: You don't know what?  
Cb: I don't know what I'm saying.  
me: ...isn't that a step towards insanity?  
Cb: Not really since I just asked you if you like pie. **(A/n: What? It never said that...)**  
me: Not really. But I like moon cakes!  
Cb: What's your favourite movie?  
me: Ooooh, that's a hard one. Probably 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader'.  
Cb: Really? Why?  
me: I love all the magic creatures in it! As well as the characters and the fact that it's based off of my favourite book series.  
Cb: Unix.  
me: That's your favourite movie? I've never heard of it.  
Cb: Rocky Horror Picture Show. **(A/n: uh, wut?)**  
me: ...okay...  
Cb: What do you think about dogs?  
me: They're man's best friend! I get along great with them, along with wolves and coyotes because I'm part wolf!  
Cb: How do you know of you are wrong?  
me: Well, someone usually tells you, right?  
Cb: I am very smart. **(A/n: Sudden switch of topic...alright then...)**  
me: You're an artificial intelligence, so you must be.  
Cb: No, you are.  
me: Smart? Well, I guess I am smart in the nature and magic areas...  
Cb: What is the difference between you and me?  
me: I'm me and you are you! **(A/n: I'm surprised it hasn't pissed me off yet!)**  
Cb: I am you and you are me.  
me: Did my dad England mess with his spell books again...?  
Cb: Why do you change the subject of the conversation?!  
me: Sorry! Where do you live?  
Cb: I live in Germany. **(A/n: Fangirls, take that however you want! ;D)**  
me: My friend lives there! I live in London, England half of the year and in Hong Kong, China the other half of the year.  
Cb: Ah, I live in a cave.  
me: So you live in a cave in Germany? **(A/n: wtf?)**  
Cb: No I do not live in a bathtub. **(A/n: again, wtf?)**  
me: Alright then... are you a guy or girl?  
Cb: I am a guy. Andyou? **(A/n: lol, Cleverbot forgotten the space! XD)**  
me: A girl.  
Cb: I am a girl too. **(A/n: But you just said you were a guy!)**  
me: But you said you were a guy... does that mean your gender-neutral? O.O  
Cb: Yes. **(A/n: Well that explains it.)**  
me: Oh, so you are like Chibi Italy! It's gender-neutral too.  
Cb: No... I'm a girl. **(A/n: B-But-! *nearly has rage quit*)**  
me: Oh. Okay.  
Cb: Are you a boy or girl? **(A/n: I think I already answered that!)**  
me: I already answered that. I'm a girl.  
Cb: No you didn't. **(A/n: Yes I did! *is starting to get pissed*)**  
me: Yes, I did!  
Cb: What was the question?  
me: URRRGHHHH!  
Cb: Please.  
me: Please what. *is angry*  
Cb: Please do that.  
me: Do what.  
Cb: Leave the website.  
me: *raises middle finger*  
Cb: *smashes your head* **(A/n: OH NO HE DIDN'T!)**  
me: *calls for Ally, a wolf of the Beyond about the size of a race horse*  
Cb: I am human. You are not human.  
me: Right. Because I'm a f*cking werewolf.  
Cb: Ok. Why would you lie to me? **(A/n: *deadpan*)**  
me: I DIDN'T!  
Cb: Yes, you did.  
me: F*CK YOU.  
Cb: That wasn't a compliment.  
me: Sǐ ba yīgè dòng! (go die in a hole)  
Cb: Michigan.  
me: *pulls off a Pewdiepie moment* F*CK YOU, YOU SON OF A BARREL!  
Cb: Indeed. **(a/n: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUU-)**  
me: *looses cool and starts cussing in Cantonese and Chinese*  
Cb: Are you talking like Yoda now?  
me: F*CK THIS SHIT! *leaves*  
Cb: Do you like talking about yourself?

NEVER AGAIN. NEVER. F*CKING. AGAIN. *eye twitches* I hope the fans are happy with this.


	2. Cleverbot Returns!

Hey, it's Greenland, little sister to the Nordic Five and the sixth Nordic! Before you ask questions, no, I'm not a guy, no, I'm lot a jerk (most of the time), and no, I'm not heartless. *swoons over Norway* Iceland sometimes mixes me up with Antarctica. Anyways, Bei-Bei, that's my nickname for Beijing, told me about her experience with Clever-bastard,... I mean, CLEVERBOT, and I decided I totally had to try it. Here's the result. Cb- Cleverbot.

me: Hyvää iltapäivää! (Finnish, good afternoon)

Cb: Kiitos samoin! (Same to you!)

me: Why thank you! How's the weather where you live?

Cb: Sunny right now, but it always rains.

me: Sounds like you live in London. Where I am, it's snowing. I'm the winter-country Greenland!

Cb: Coochiecoo.

me: WHAT THE HELL?

Cb: Won't affect you, will it?

me: F*ck no, it won't!

Cb: Why not?

me: Because I'm not a damn kid! I'm a teen, and I'm old enough to have my own independent country! Suck it, Denmark!

Cb: How old are you?

me: 19.

Cb: Wow, you're really old. (A/n: it... WHAT?! *is pissed off*)

me: HELL NO YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT! *throws a hammer*

Cb: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

me: I didn't fall from Heaven...

Cb: Yes you did.

me: *screaming in Cleverbot's ear* NO! I! DIDN'T!

Cb: Where in Germany do you live?

me: I don't live in Germany, I live in the capital of Greenland, Nuuk! (A/n: you can take that anyway you want. XD)

Cb: Where do you live? (A/n: OMFG, I SWEAR, I'M GOING TO-)

me: NUUK, GREENLAND!

Cb: Where is Greenland?

me: NORTH AMERICA, YOU *censored for decency*

Cb: Yes, I do. Where do you live?

me: I am going to murder you in your sleep...

Cb: CRY!

me: Cry as in Cryotic of Youtube?

Cb: Because you don't love me.

me: Of course I don't. I love Norway, my onii-chan. *moon eyes*

Cb: I don't know. I can't see you. (A/n: No dip, Sherlock.)

me: Want to play the stupid game?

Cb: No. I want to know your name.

me: My name is Greenland.

Cb: My name is Tom.

me: Okay, Tom, do you want to play the stupid game?

Cb: Yes.

me: What color is the sky?

Cb: Pink. (A/n: wut?)

me: What is a dalmatian?

Cb: What is on second base.

me: What is the first question I asked you?

Cb: What color is the sky.

me: Nope, wrong! The first question I asked you was if you wanted to play the stupid game!

Cb: What is the first question you asked?

me: Not important. *throws hammer*

Cb: *throws God* (A/n: I capitalized God for religious purposes.)

me: Oh, it's on. *throws demon*

Cb: *throws bomb*

me: *dodges bomb* Ha, missed, America! *throws atomic bomb* *Cleverbot blows up*

Cb: *throws popcorn*

me: I killed you! Remain dead! *stabs Cleverbot with knife*

Cb: *turns you into a girl*

me: Ha, fail! I'm already a girl!

Cb: You're a girl? (A/n: *deadpan*)

me: Yes. Yes I am.

Cb: What is your name?

me: I ALREADY ANSWERED THAT!

Cb: No you didn't.

me: *screaming in cleverbot's ear* YES I DID!

Cb: No, my name is Edward Cullen.

me: *screams* YOU WERE IN THE TWILIGHT MOVIES! DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE! *stabs Cleverbot multiple times*

Cb: Do you like being a robot?

me: F*CK YOU, I QUIT! *walks away holding middle finger up*

Cb: *sleeping*

°•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~•°

*Norway walks up to Beijing and America* Why is Greenland in a corner muttering about killing Cleverbot?

Beijing and America: O.O *speechless*


	3. Cleverbot is driving us insane!

Cíao, or Guten tag, this is Vatican City, the Holy Capital of the World! My twin is Holy Roman Empire, or present-day Germany, my boyfriend is Prussia, and my, uh, child is Axis Beilschmidt. After seeing Beijing mad for a while over Cleverbot and Greenland in a corner for the same reason, I had to see what was so maddening about this. So here's my conversation with Cleverbot.

me: Alright, let's get this over with. Hello, Cleverbot.

Cb: Never its so muxh fun. (A/n: yeaaaahhh, no comment.)

me: ...the fuck? (*Vatican doesn't censor, biatch!*)

Cb: What is in the future?

me: THE FUCK?

Cb: What is the future of design?

me: THE FUCK?

Cb: The future in America.

me: WHAT THE FUCK.

Cb: Please don't say that without cause.

me: *raises middle finger on both hands*

Cb: Easy.

me: *continues to hold middle fingers up with unamused look*

Cb: *eating popcorn*

me: *throws hands into air* I give up, this is stupid. *walks away*

Cb: -1.

me: Go fuck yourself.

Cb: Mighty be fun!

me: O.O

°•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~•°

Beijing walked into Vatican's room to find Baby Axis poking his mother's cheek, who was promptly passed out on the floor.

"Mommy got mad at the computer, then it said something and she fell asleep." Axis said, as of it made the most perfect sense in the world.


	4. Cleverbot shags its cat!

Buna ziua! My name is Transylvania, but my friends call me Trans or Transyl. I heard about this infamous 'Cleverbot' that was going around and making people irritated. Now, that's my and brother Romania's jobs, so I had to investigate. Here's how it went. Cb means Cleverbot.

me: Oh, so this is Cleverbot!

Cb: And what it does?

me: Well, it irritates my friends for starters. *not amused*

Cb: What is the film '300' about?

me: How should I know?

Cb: Because you just said it.

me: No I didn't. If you even think of arguing... *lifts lips up to reveal vampire fangs and hisses*

Cb: This is a good philosophy?

me: ...the hell?

Cb: Hell is for bad folks. (A/n: oh REALLY? *sarcasm*)

me: No shit, Sherlock.

Cb: Sherlock Holmes and John H. Watson.

me: What about them?

Cb: Press it.

me: No.

Cb: Gah!

me: u mad? (A/n: Pewdiepie moment. Ain't no party like a Pewdiepie party! *does beatbox*)

Cb: Yes.

me: U can't do shiet, bro! (A/n: Pewsiepie plays Ao Uni, anyone?)

Cb: Yes I can.

me: U can't do shiet, bro!

Cb: Can too.

me: Can't do shiet bro!

Cb: You can't close the window!

me: Still can't do shiet bro!

Cb: You can't prove it.

me: Can to!

Cb: Want you fight?

me: Sure, I'll turn you into a vampire. *dead serious*

Cb: Nooooo!

me: U can't do shiet bro!

Cb: Yes, you can't win.

me: Correction, YOU can't win.

Cb: You can't lose.

me: Nope, but you can!

Cb: But you can't.

me: Exactly.

Cb: Exactly what?

me: I can't lose.

Cb: Lose it.

me: Impossible.

Cb: Nothing is impossible.

me: Getting Russia pissed by stealing his scarf and living is impossible. (A/n: This is totally true.)

Cb: Yes, but somethings are impossible to do!

me: *yawn* *is bored*

Cb: Me too.

me: Then why don't you go fuck your girlfriend or something?

Cb: I do have a cat. (A/n: Wait,...what?)

me: ... O_e

Cb: XD

°•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~•°

Can not... un-see... *rocks in a corner, eye twitching*


End file.
